Few months ago, i received a news from a friend of mine that her friend was diagnosed with uterus cancer. The cancer was in stage 1 (as i was informed) so, she underwent chemotherapy. I know different people has different strength to go through the chemo. So, the chemo didn’t really help her and she passed away few days ago.
She is still young, had a loving husband and happily married for 5 years and only plan to have a wedding ceremony in the church this year. It’s so sad that all of these were her dream to have a wedding in the church, wearing a beautiful wedding gown and have kids. So i asked my friend, why did they have to wait for 5 years only to have the ceremony in the church? Well i know i am in no position to ask that kind of question but i was just curious. So, my friend told me they had been planning and save money throughout these 5 years to have their dream wedding. Too bad, that is not going to happen.
It got me thinking, how short is our life..5 years…5 years ago i had just started my new job move to a place .. away from my family to fulfill what i want to do for my life…..and 5 years later, here i am again..all of my experiences i’ve been through…it never felt that long…i still feel fresh about everything that i experienced..i feel and i saw…as if it just happened not too long ago.
And then, I’m thinking also from the news, How easily we forget the things we had or don’t even notice what’s in front of us until its gone. I personally only see problems in front of me more rather than happy things i had…effort people had done for me just to put a smile on my face and the opportunity that i should have grabbed…now i realise it…life is too short to mourn about everything about our life..my life especially. The only feeling left when its gone is just regret. I remember my friend told me that she regretted for taking things for granted…when her friend asked her to hang out..to have fun…all she gave was too busy and too tired.
I too, did the same thing..but yes, we cannot predict what is going to happen..certainly we never expect someone we know and we care so much to be gone in our life suddenly. So i told my friend…we all have regrets..that we should have done this or we should have done that. But, this life..we cannot expect everything to be perfect. One person can give us a big impact in our life..and in this case maybe is her friend….we cannot turn back the time…all we can do is appreciate people who is still around us now.
Life is just too short to think of people who only give us heartache. So while we are still living in this world, let’s take this opportunity to love ourselves and people around us. Even those who hurt us….forgive them…be happy for them..and you will be happy for yourselves. Look for the little things in life and it’s amazing how simple thing can put a smile on our face..well, at least for me.
So, most people has been through break ups. And as for me, I am no exception. There are always the reason behind why the relationship didn’t work out. Some has unsolved problems, too much difficulties until one of them/us gave up. Some think that the damage is too much to get back to where it used to be. Or maybe both of them fall out of love.
I have to say, there is no “who is right and who is wrong” in relationships (I speak for my own). But rather one is making more effort than the other. And that what makes everybody feel frustrated when it didn’t work out. For me, i feels angry and sad at the same time. It’s like everything you worked and waited for just gone with the word “i’m sorry”.
I can’t blame him completely for what had happened (with the reason we broke up in the first place) because maybe i am too had done something wrong somewhere. So, I’ve forgiven him and myself and moved on. Things has been going smoothly, and i must say, i moved on quite fast considering it’s been only few months, and i’m happily being single. Maybe because i have not being single for a long time (probably the longest time ever..haha).
And then one day, i got a news that he is getting married..i was like “WHAT!” I just couldn’t believe it because it’s been only few months and he’s getting married? What is it? … i don’t understand. I’m so angry..i thought i’ve moved on…but why am i feeling so shocked and angry and frustrated and want to punch him in the face. Why? How could you moved on so fast and found a girl and get married only after few month? So many things running inside my head. I don’t understand..were you cheating on me before? How could you marry a person you just met? All these while i thought i was bad for having a crush (hey, i’m a girl who likes to see cute guys) with other guy..but how is that bad compare to you looking for other girl to replace my love? I thought to myself, maybe i was just thinking too much, maybe they really just met and it’s their fate. He was never mind to keep anyway. I cried..the whole night…thinking…until i fall asleep.
The next day when i woke up, I realized it wasn’t a dream. Somehow i manage to think clear and i told myself, I will be ok. Honestly, I didn’t feel anymore pain about the break up. Maybe i really had moved on…i don’t know. But, after all of this, I didn’t want to know anymore further..whether or not he just met the girl or he kept secrets from me, it doesn’t matter anymore. His life is never my concern anymore and so is mine. I will get on with my life and never stop believing and hoping because that’s the only thing that keeps you together (for me..haha). So, i guess if anyone of you been through bad relationships, forgive and move on. You will have a better and happier life. lol.
You see, i have this friend of mine..whom i’m quite close to in the beginning and then things started to fall apart (i think).
It started of when we first met. She was just someone I used to hi and bye everyday. Who knows we can get so close and even hang out almost everyday. Though we don’t have much things in common but our friendship turned out to be pretty good. People used to say that we are good friends and I was very happy during those times. By the way, just to clear things up, I am not a lesbian..she was my best friend. LOL
As we go on, thing started to change..bit by bit. Actually no, it changed drastically. She started to ignore me and when i asked what happen? are we cool? anything you want to tell me? She just said nothing..nothing at all. I was quite down to see our friendship falling apart. I’ve tried to many things….tried to talk to her..she ignored me. Asked her to go out for a drink or breakfast .. it didn’t work. Ok, that’s fine…her birthday came..i brought her some place nice to celebrate her birthday…and ON her birthday, like everybody else, I gave her a present I’ve been keeping like forever cos I can’t find it locally. I’m not sure she like it or not. But the only thing she brag (on fb and to other people) was who sent her a present and what is it…except MY present. So from that day onwards, I told my myself..fine..i’ve done what i could..she never really want to amend our broken friendship (though i don’t know what cause it)..i’ll just leave it…
To fast forward the story, she did a lot of things that hurt me…like..A LOT! I don’t even like her anymore now…She drags people with her so they won’t talk to me (I don’t know why)….I was so sad and hurt…But as time went by i don’t give a damn on it anymore. Now, she is just someone i used to be close with..and i’m glad it didn’t work out in the first place. I guess there are reasons why it didn’t work out…I don’t wish to find it anymore…
To see her now, I’m seeing a better me..a happier and wiser..At least i appreciate the friendship and now it’s gone..i have no regrets. I can actually see and feel some regrets in her…but I can’t be sure about it..and I don’t care anymore…she is already a stranger to me. 🙂
I know it’s been a while. (As i always said). haha! i have not been very active for the whole 2013. It’s 2014 already i suddenly feel like i want to write something. I have no idea what i wanna say or talk about..but i just want to write about something.
Life is so tough for me lately..in fact for the whole 2013. And i am actually quite surprise at myself that i manage to get through that year. I’m still trying to cope…or struggle….with my situation right now. But hey, i can get through 2013 (which is the toughest one for me so far)…i have to believe that i can get through this also right? haha!
Anyway, I know my problems are not as serious if compared to other people..but i do feel that, each of us have our level of stress to deal with, right? And like most people said…life is never easy…and life is never hard all the times. We have bad times and we have good times. It’s just a matter of time and we’ll get through that. We learn a lot from bad times and when it’s over we will appreciate more what’s around us…right? haha!
I seriously think that all things happened to me made me a wiser person…and the most important thing is it made me the person i am now. A lot of people came into my life….some remain my friend..some walked away from me..and some even became my enemy. I know it’s not good to have enemies..but this is life…we are not perfect. We don’t make enemies on purpose. (At least i know i don’t)..but i guess those kind of people (i mean people around you) are those who make the person you are now. I have no regret in whatsoever happened to me…Because now that i believe (and i have to believe) that everything happens for a reason. 🙂
Ok..i better stop the crap now. I started to get drift away…hahaha!
So yeah, I’ve been long gone! I can’t remember when was the last time i update this blog though. I actually thought of deleting this account and just get on with my real life instead of writing blogs. hehe! It’s funny that I’ve just discussed with my friend not long ago about my blog and wonder why I’m out of things to talk about in here. haha! And his respond was…it’s because you are getting mature and you think there are other better things to do rather than sitting in front of computer talking about stuff you do like little young girls/guys do. He has the point though…i mean it doesn’t apply to everybody..but his point indeed fall on me. I checked back my previous post and it was so so so childish.
Oh well, this post is not going to make any difference at all..but i don’t care. Why? Because i promised my sister to start blogging from now on! She got me an ipad for my birthday! OMG! Never in my mind would ever think of her or anybody to buy such an expensive thing for me. In fact, i told her that i want to start saving and going to buy ipad next year and that’s my target! But i got it early!! oh yeah! i’m so excited. hehe!
I’m actually trying to figure out what write in my blog from now on. You know..i’m 26 already…i should have stop talking crap like my younger days. It’s time for me to get serious. I saw my sister’s blog and it was inspiring. lol! you can check her out at http://beautytoughlife.wordpress.com .. follow her..support her! lol!
I guess i’m out of things to say already. so that’s it for now..will try post a better one next time. so..till next time! chao!
Ok..yesterday I enjoyed myself to the maximum..though its not much…but at least i did cheer myself up…So, tomorrow i have to start be serious. BE SERIOUS!! focus and finish my work!!!! yeah!! stay motivated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow, It’s been a while since my last post. Suddenly i’m out of things to talk about. But anway, just a little update here. I went to KL last week for my exam. My exam was ok..not very satisfying but i just hope i do pass (though i don’t have confident) .. why？ because i’m so damn lazy to do study!!! It’s like my brain has “berkarat”…it seemed very hard to digest everything that i’ve learn…or maybe i didn’t have a mood? Oh well..whatever.
So i stayed at bukit bintang area…as usual….this time was not on purpose..i’ve been finding hotels but none of them available on the particular date. Bukit bintang was my last option and the hotel i stayed was….well, not very satisfying for me. If you want to know what’s the name..you can go to http://www.applehotels.com for more details. haha! :p
Anyway, I went to pavilion last friday..few hours before my flight…my cousin brought me to one shop..its called sticky. It’s a candy shop and its very cute and unique. i guess KL people knows about this. It’s one of the cutest thing i ever saw…really special…what’s more special is that they make the candy in front of public…It comes with different flavours and different notes or shapes in the middle of the candle they made…I don’t know how they did it..but it’s amazing..lol!
I bought 2 and i ate half a bottle a
lready…oopps…well, you know i’m a candies lover….or for those who don’t know..so now you know..hehe! :p